I'm Done Pretending

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like shit. I feel like I have no friends. Minus like a select four possibly five, and I only have one that I'm completely open with and close to. I feel like I don't have any ambition. I want to do good in my classes, but I can never motivate myself to do homework/study until the last minute. I want to be able to express my feelings to those that I care about, but I don't know how. I want to tell people when they piss me off or when I'm frustrated, but I can never find the words when I need them. I don't want drama, but that's all that consumes my life. I hate it. I want to be able to see the good in everyone, but deep down inside I hate people. I hate the concept. I hate everything about people. I really just want to be home right now. But I know that's just going to put me in an even worse mood because I feel like I have no friends there either. Why do I always fuck everything up? I want to be that positive person, but I can't find the will anymore. I'm done pretending. I'm not happy right now.