Changes

Slowly losing the feeling of having that one
While gaining the hope of making another

Slowly losing hope to keep that ship alive

While gaining the feeling of acceptance from another

Slowly losing that feeling of comfort
While gaining a whole new feeling of comfort

Slowly losing the fun, crazyness of  conversations

While gaining the more mature realizations in new conversations

Slowly losing the promises

While gaining new perspectives

Slowly losing what you thought was perfect

While gaining something that you knew could be perfect

Slowly losing something you wish you weren't

While gaining something you wished you could

Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend

I’m sitting there as the cold air stabs at my face.

 Hands warmed. 

Feet chilled. 

I look over and see you walking up the stairs.

 My stomach instantly free falls and twists and turns.

 I’ve seen you around recently, but neither of us has made any sort of effort to rekindle this friendship I’ve been longing for.

   I turn away, not wanting to address the situation.

 Not wanting to even acknowledge the fact that I saw you. 

Then I hear your boots.

 Your boots clicking so loudly that it makes my heart race louder and louder with every step.

 I turn and there you are.

 Face to face.

 No turning away, no hiding.

 This moment I’ve been waiting so long for.

 All I can manage to force out is “Oh…hey…” 

And you sit down.

 Sit down like you would have done a year ago. 

Sit down as though we’ve continued our friendship over this past year.

 Like we never had a falling out. 

Like we were still best friends.

 I’m shaking like a leaf.

 Trying to hide the fact that I’m so beyond excited that you’re sitting next to me.

 So excited that I might actually have a chance to revive everything I’ve been missing out on.

 Excited to hear what on your mind, how life’s treating you, how school’s going, what you’ve been up to. 

Just excited to be sitting next to you.

 Just sitting.

 Just talking.

 Reliving a conversation with my best friend.

 I don’t know why this happened, what made you come up to me, but I’m so beyond happy that you did.
I’m excited to jump into this sea of emotions.

 I want to embark on a new journey. 

And I can’t wait for you to be a part of it.

I can’t wait to be able to call you my best friend again.

"Nothing even matters anymore. Everything's great :)" 

To Write Love On Her Arms.

 Today is suicide and self harm awareness day.

 Support those around you because you never know what someone is going through.

 Be there for them, it could save their life. 

“When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach 

And the bullets catch in her teeth 

Life goes on, it gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly 

Every tear a waterfall 

In the night the stormy night she’ll close her eyes

In the night the stormy night away she’d fly

It's been four months and you've done so much from up there. Saving Mike's life. I know you were there with him. There's no way you weren't. Thanks for everything you do for all of us. You're still a real gem. I miss you, Adrianna. Heaven sure is one lucky place <3

Always have a sober bro

This is my friend Mike's car. It's destroyed. He hit the trees so hard that the motor flew out, along with him. He spent a few nights in the ICU and is on a long road to recovery. He's so so so lucky to be alive. The doctors said he must have had an angel looking over him that night. You may ask how all of this happened? One night of partying and him getting behind the wheel drunk has changed his life forever. There are so many people that would drop whatever they're doing or get up out of bed at night to drive you home instead of you driving drunk. Drinking and driving is NEVER acceptable. You're not only risking hurting yourself, but others around you. You're risking your life when you get behind the wheel drunk. Please, please, please stop and think before you drink and drive. 

"Will it ever be like it used to be?"

"I thought about this, and it really sucks to even say it, but I almost feel like I can't tell you everything. :( maybe it's just cause we haven't talked in awhile..."

I think my perceptions of a friendship are much different than the people around me. I've always thought that someone you consider a best friend will be there for you no matter what, even if you haven't talked for days or weeks or months. I've always had problems with loosing friends. Whether it be my childhood best friend who moved away in 4th grade, my middle school best friend who moved away in 8th grade, my friend through out the years who became my best friend my sophomore year who then graduated and moved on to college, or it be the one person I thought I would never lose but then decided I wasn't good enough to even be considered a friend anymore. Basically my friendship rep isn't the greatest. At first I thought it was just a string of bad luck with everyone moving away, but then Syd happened and now I feel like I'm going to lose all the great friends I've gained over this past school year. Living in Marquette, and most importantly, in the Vu has given me the opportunity to open up to so many different girls and gain so many amazing friendships. I don't want to lose that. One out of the four girls who I've become closest with will still be living in the Vu so I'm not worried about our frienship, but what about the others? My bestest friend in the whole wide world is just moving across the quad, but I'm still worried. She's going to be so busy in her own life being momma duck to all the Malibu girls. And the other two, well we just became close...and I really wish we would have been given more time to be together. But they're both moving off campus. And I know I'm going to gain so many new friends, and everyone's just a text away, and blah blah blah...but it's just not the same. Things are changing. I'm not good with change. And I really wish things could be how they used to be, in so many different aspects. But that'll never happen. I have to learn to accept that. Accept that things change. Accept that I'm moving on to a new chapter in my life. Accept that I can't go back to the way things used to be.

"I just wonder if you still remember or think of me once in awhile."

Appreciation

I've lived in Deja Vu for the past 9 months. I never ever thought that I would be affected the way I was. Living there has made me the person I am today. The girls that I met here are the most amazing girls I have ever met. I'm not going to get all sappy right now so this is my appreciation post to those girls. Throughout the year I saved quotes in my phone from the girls I live with here are most of them: 

"My throat hurts so bad I feel like I just deep throated a peppered salami!" -Hailey

*creepy laugh* "ha ha ha also known as you stupid mother fuckers." -Marissa

"That's why I don't wanna have sex! I can't thrust..." -Marissa

"That's when you know you've found your soul mate because he'll be able to super thrust for the both of you." -Hailey

"I'm running on four hours of sleep..." -Me

"Guess what I'm running on..awesome." -Marissa

"Haven't you ever heard of caring is sharing?" -Sara

"No I must have been sick with fuck-you-itis" -Marissa

"hehehehe that's funny YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" -Marissa

"Dude, I went all Rachel Ray and Betty Crocker on my mom's ass!" -Me

"How do you know I'm drunk?" -Me

"Your eyes are red..." -Hailey

"How do you know when I'm drunk?" -Emily

"...Hannah's eyes are red..." -Hailey

"What the fuck, you're such a douche. Fuck you in the asshole and I hope it rips and bleeds" -Kaitlyn

"Maybe he's sucking his dick to get it up so they can..you know...fight...with their swords..." -Hailey

"I've been watching this show since I was 10...and I'm 21!" -Marissa

"uhhh...you're 22 Marissa!" -Me

"I wish instead of a poke button there was a punch you in the face button. You could click it and a fish would jump out of the computer and punch you in the face." -Marissa

"It's one in the morning..." -Me

"She's a piece of shit she'll answer!" -Lee Lee

"I didn't do anything to her. I just let her meow on my shoulder once." -Megan 

"Don't punch me in the kidney. I need that to filter alcohol!" -Kaitlyn

"That's your liver you piece of shit!" -Me

"If I had a penis I'd make you lick it right now!" -Me

"I used to work out for more than 60 minutes a day and look where I ended up..." -Marissa

"I'm gonna shove my fist up her anus"

"It'll probably fit" (can't remember who said this....but I'm sure it was hilarious! haha)

"What if we both get offers from guys?" -Kaitlyn

"BULLSHIT!" -Marissa

"She was highlighting the bible! Isn't that illegal...I feel like that's a sin..." -Me

"I need a really ugly friend to make me look better. I'd feel better about myself.." -Nefra 

"Do you remember when I had Nyquil? because I don't..." -Me

"Man my vagina has taken a beating lately and not from anything good." -Emily

"I unplugged all your shit. I hope you like your fish dead, BITCH" -Marissa

"What the fuck is deep and why is she rolling in it?!" -Conda

"I'd fuck him till my pelvic shattered!" -Felicia

"Currently in use!? Your mom's currently in use!" -Katie

"I don't look trashed ladies, I look beautiful" -Hailey

"Everybody needs to get off of everybody else's dicks so I can drive!!!" -Marissa

"Marissa, Hailey's on my dick...I don't like dick..get her off my dick! -Riley

"OW! My tit is dislocated from my breast!" -Marissa

"I had a bubble in my throat! You shut your face." -Marissa

"You said BOOB I said *whispers* breast" -Marissa

"Eat that piece of chicken!" Tall Megan

"That's what she said!!!!...that was stupid. I need to pay attention. Fucking stupid shit. So stupid. Stupid..." -Marissa

"You fucking asshole, excuse me, you piece of shit" -Marissa

"SHIT! My calf has a muffin top!" -Me

"Do you still wanna be my best friend?!" -Emily

"Give me a good twenty minutes..." -Me

"If she touches my shit I'm calling 911. I want FBI, finger prints, and shit." -Bitch Marissa

"Don't spit! Don't Spit!" -Me

"I...I...swallowed... :(" Tall Megan

"Yes, lesbians knock on wood...." -Me

"They put sleeping pills in here, not alcohol! Bastards." -Marissa

"Everyone always lays on me...It's because I'm comfy...*whispers* it's because I'm fat." -Marissa

"That was REALLY good....." -Sara

"Yeah? well, when I'm on national television you can suck a big fat juicy dick." -Me

"I think we're all on the same boat. There's five of us...in a room...on a Wednesday night..drinking..." -Kris

"The only bad thing about drinking on a Wednesday night is there's no grilled cheese!" -Felicia

"That's how I associate who's calling my name. Felicia calls me neeeefra, Leanna calls me Nefy, and you (referring to me) call me stupid bitch" -Nefra aka stupid bitch

"Those jeans are SHIT!" -Mak

"I don't think she's going to be very happy...but it's gonna be AWESOME!" -Kris

"Mother fuckers just killed my mother fucking fish!" -Lee Lee

"I'm not quite sure how to probe this out of you...but..." -Hailey

"Does she have a gang bang in there? Cuz seriously it's so fucking loud up there." -Sam

"Man I ate a lot of almonds to cut weight, that must be why I'm all gay..." -Robin

"Are you trying to get me fat!? I'M ALREADY HALF WAY THERE!" -Me

"It doesn't feel good when you touch my tits like that!" -Marissa

"I look like fucking Dobby!" -Emily

"I know a lotta things just not in the right scholastic subjects.." -Kris

"I'm not racist...I like dark chocolate" -Me

"How many are in a six pack?" -Kris

"Or because her pelvic bone got rearranged by his Magnum P.I. penis..." -Felicia

"I'd totally take his sauce second hand..." -Emily

"How can she be Chinese and ginger at the same time!?" -Emily

"Dear diary, on a night before my final I decide to get drink." -Kris

I'll miss all of these ladies so much over the summer. 

Only 105 days till I move back to Marquette. 

Can't wait already.