You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

I watched The Help tonight.

This movie is so inspiring. It made me want to go out and do something, something important. Something to change people's lives like Skeeter changed the help's lives.

I don't have any idea what that is yet. But I've been inspired.

As Aibileen would say, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

Remember that. Always.

Christmas Time

It's Christmas Eve, and the day is winding down. It's been a hectic day full of last minute shopping, family, and food. Everyone in my house is snuggled into their nice warm beds, and I'm sitting here enjoying the quiet. Christmas is less than half an hour away. I'm preparing myself for all the craziness that comes with the holidays. But today, I've been thinking a lot about the whole meaning of family during Christmas. This started when I was at church earlier this evening.

I'll set the mood for you. My Mom, Dad, Grandma, and I sat in the pew of our little, white Finnish church. Every pew stuffed full of people because it's the Christmas Eve service. Pastor Kevin just got done lighting a candle in the hand of each person at the head of the pew, who then lit the next person's and so on. The lights have been dimmed and there is a soft lull of the piano in the background as we all sing Silent Night.

I'm lost in the flickering of my candle light, when my mom nudges me. I look up to see a family in the pew in front in front of me embracing each other. There was a Mom, Dad, and little girl not much older than five. As Silent Night comes to an end, the little girl reaches up to her dad and taps him on the shoulder. He turns to look at her and she kisses him softly on the cheek. She then turns to her mother and does the same. This moment made me think about how important family is, especially during the holiday seasons

The effect of losing someone you love is especially evident during the holidays. My Grandma has been having a tough time over the past few years during Christmas time because my Uncle Bob passed away in 2007. The singing of Silent Night during Christmas Eve always makes her cry. My Grandpa Marvin passed away on June 20th 2010. This is my second Christmas without him. I miss him so much everyday, and it's hard not having him celebrate the holidays with me. It's so weird not having him here, but then again I'm extremely lucky to have the family I do have. I have a loving Mother and Father who would drop anything in a second if I was in need of help. I have grandparents who love me to the moon and back, and an extended family who cares so much about me. I can't imagine what it would be like not having the family I've been blessed with. There are thousands of people out there that don't have a family to keep them happy daily. And this becomes extremely difficult for them during the holiday season. I wish everyone had a family who cared about them this time of year. Actually, I wish everyone in the world had a loving, caring family every day of the year. I know I cannot help them, but I wish that everyone would be happy this time of year. Christmas shouldn't be a sad time of year.

I'm not in need of anything spectacular for Christmas this year. I didn't ask for much. All I really want this year is for everyone to be happy. My big Christmas wish is for no one to be sad on Christmas day. This is a time for happiness.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Missing

Exactly a year ago we all sat at your house. The first time I had ever been there. Christmas filling the air. Major team bonding and getting to know each other. I miss it. So much.

I miss just hanging out and talking. Can this please be over with soon?

Freshman Funk

Recently I've been in this funk.

Since I can remember, I've always been super confident in everything that I do. But for some reason, lately, I've been really pessimistic. I've been told it's typical for a new college students to go into this rut. Like, some sort of depression...I'm by no means depressed, it's just something new for me.

There have been two things recently that made me notice my negative thinking. One was me telling my track coach I didn't think I was mentally "ready" to go to the meet this past weekend. Now that I think about it, I was more than ready to compete. Maybe I was just too scared? I've ever been scared of competition. It's weird to think I kind of ran from it. Now I regret not going.

Anatomy and physiology is the next thing that has been involved in my negative thinking. All first semester I thought I was completely bombing the class; straight up failing. I never wanted to go to class, and when an exam came around I would freak out. The final made me go completely insane for a week. But come to find out I passed...by a lot. Stupid negativity bringing me down again.

So maybe all of this does have to do with this so called "freshman funk". Let's hope that's all it is at least. And let's hope it goes away, like, asap.

I don't like this new negative Nancy. Can I please have the confident, strong-willed Hannah back soon?

Things I Missed About Home...

1. My mom's cooking
2. My shower
3. My bed
4. My puppers
5. My dad's foolishness
6. Water that actually tastes good
7. Being able to sleep in
8. Having someone clean for me (shout out to my mom)
9. My family
10. Repeatedly getting asked the same questions by my parents
11. Sitting down, relaxing, and watching TV with the rentals
12. The comfort of my house
13. Not having to lock my car or house doors
14. Going to the grocery store and running into at least five people that you know by name
15. My little old neighbor, Bob
16. It's drama freeee!
17. Watching high school athletic events
18. My friends that are still babies :)
19. Scott's Subs and Mr.T's
20. No asshole drivers

I didn't think I would enjoy being home as much as I am. This high will wear off soon enough, but as of right now these things are why I like being home.

We can have Déjà vu

It’s midnight. I’m sitting in my dorm. By myself. This is so weird because I’m so used to having everyone around. Everyone stomping up and down the halls, Marissa yelling some profane slur while playing a stupid video game, and people walking in and out of every room is an everyday occurrence around here. To be quiet honest, I hate walking down this hall when everyone is gone. On Saturday I’ll be venturing home for my first winter break. An entire month at home without all the people I’ve become so close with here. This has become what I consider home. Yes, Iron River will always be my home at heart, but there’s this urge, a sense of calmness, when I think about being in Marquette. I love it here. I love everything about it. The people I’ve met, and the relationships I’ve formed here are better than any one I’ve formed at home. It’s so weird to think that I’ve formed such a bond with the entire college experience in one semester. Yes, this was the most stressful, odd four-ish months of my life. But I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

 Coming into my first semester of college I never thought I was going to get out of it what I did. Living in an all-girls hall sounded like bundles of fun. NOT. But now, I wouldn’t want, or imagine myself, living anywhere else. The Vu has become such a huge part of my life. I’ve learned so much in such a short time. Acceptance of the people around me, and even myself has been the most rewarding experience so far. Along with acceptance comes judgment. I judged basically every girl in this hall. The first two weeks I thought I was in the hall of misfits. I didn’t see myself bonding with anyone. I was never here; Marlowe and I were doing our own thing. We didn’t care about anyone else here. But one day I decided that I needed to give everyone a chance and I balled up and got to know a few of the girls, little by little. I never expected to become so close with so many of these girls. I’ve seriously met the most amazing people in my life, and some not so amazing. But that’s a whole different story. 

Today was the big moving day for basically everyone in our house. That meant I had to say goodbye to Grace forever because she’s transferring. I also had to say goodbye to Marissa, who is probably one of the most down to earth girls I’ve ever met, for an entire month. We have a love/hate relationship. But secretly deep down inside I love the hell out of that girl. Tomorrow the rest of the house is leaving. Kali and Courtney are leaving. They’re transferring. Sucky day. Emily is also leaving tomorrow. I’ve become so close to her over the past few months. There’s definitely a road trip/us being reunited over winter break. One whole month without her just isn’t realistic. I think we’d both die. Basically, the moral of the story is tomorrow is going to suck. 

I want to go home because I miss being home, but I know after a week I’m going to be itching at coming back here.

An entire month home…this is going to be interesting…

Peace.Love.Vu

Fam(ily)

As I was studying for my sociology exam, I was reading about how people perceive families in contemporary society. There was a lot of information, but one certain part really hit me in the heart. The perception of families in today’s society is ridiculous. The assumptions in this book really irritated me. My book went on about how female headed households are more likely to live in poverty over male headed, how stepfamilies face unique problems because of the blending of households, and also how gay and lesbian households challenge traditional heterosexual definitions of “family”. The book also states that it is difficult to actually define the word family because of all of the diversity in the world. I think this whole chapter is a bunch of bullshit. This whole book is a bunch of bullshit. Who are they to sit here and judge other people’s families and how they are run? There are plenty of families in the world who are thriving and succeeding that are not a “contemporary family”.

 Female headed households are becoming more and more popular in today’s society. I know multiple families that don’t even have a male in the picture, and the female is more than successful when it comes to keeping her family in order. What makes people think that a household run by a woman is going to be such a failure? 

Stepfamilies are also very popular in today’s society. This one personally hits me. My mother was raised by her step-dad, and I grew up knowing my step-grandfather as my real grandfather. Never once did any of us look at him differently because he wasn’t part of the biological family. My grandma had three children with my mom’s biological father, and one with my grandpa. None of us look at my auntie differently because she doesn’t have the same father as the rest of the family. We’re a family, and we always will be. Nothing will ever change that.

This also continues into the lesbian and gay households. Just because they don’t follow the heterosexual definitions of a family doesn’t mean that they will fail as a family. Recently there was a video circulating around facebook about a 19 year old named Zach Wahls who was raised by lesbian parents. Wahls was speaking to the Iowa House of Representatives about the possible ban of same sex marriage. He went on about how successful his family has become and how successful he has become as an individual. He is proud to have been raised by two strong, independent, caring women. Wahls made multiple overwhelmingly true and positive statements throughout his speech. He never once looked down on his own family. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with the content of your character. Don’t judge people’s ability to succeed in society via who they fall in love with. 

People in today’s society are too damn judgmental. Let people live their lives the way they want. Just because a family doesn’t have a house with a white picket fence, two children, a dog, and a mother and a father doesn’t mean they won’t be a successful family. A family is a family no matter what the contents are.

Stronger

This video absolutely breaks my heart. Such a powerful video, and such a strong kid.

Remember

Remember when we didn’t talk to each other the entire first season playing together?

Remember when I thought you were the most intimidating person ever?

Remember when you came back to play with us and I was so excited?

Remember when we became defensive partners?

Remember when I stayed the night at your house the night before we left for states?

Remember when we would stay up till all hours of the night just talking?

Remember when you made Kirsten the sickest birthday present ever and I was so jealous?

Remember when we would talk every single day?

Remember when we poured our deepest, darkest secrets out to each other?

Remember when we said we would never lose each other?

Remember when we took Kirsten under our wing?

Remember when we won states?

Remember when we had like 5 epic fails in one play at that one practice?

Remember when you would be just standing around in every single picture from the season?

Remember when we flew to Cali together?

Remember when we went to Summers wind?

Remember when we took our trip to Green Bay?

Remember when we had our little party in my “fort” in my room?

Remember when you would rip on me for actually owning a pair of crocks?

Remember when I scored on Conda and you were there for me the entire time?

Remember when we had the best time of our lives at Nationals?                                                    

Remember when we traveled around Cali with your family?

Remember when we lost at Nationals?

Remember when we hung out on that huge hill behind the hotel the night after we lost?

Remember when you woke up with a huge ass flower in your shirt?

Remember when we thought we walked for miles, but it was actually only 2 blocks?

Remember when we quit talking for an entire month this summer?

Remember when we used an Ouija board?

Remember when the youngins thought you were so awkward?

Remember when the number 7 started following you everywhere?

Remember when we got tattoos together?

Remember when Kirsten would NEVER eat when she was with us?

Remember when you and Tom would always quote BMS?

Remember when we went through a huge obsession with Adele phase?

Remember when we made all the team shirts at your house?

Remember when I finally moved to Marquette?

Remember when we hung out the first time since I moved to Marquette?

Remember when I saw your apartment for the first time?

Remember when we hung out at Tony’s house?

Remember when we crept on TC hockey players on facebook for hours?

Remember when Rob made a comment on the porn star’s picture?

Remember when you, Kirsten, and I were inseparable?

Remember when you opened up to me about Danny?

Remember when we would crack sexual jokes 24/7?

Remember when we went on that epic fail of a camping trip?

Remember when we would text each other good night every night?

Remember when we started not talking as much as we used to?

Remember when we only hung out a few times since I moved to Marquette?

Remember when we told each other we would hang out every day?

Remember when we didn’t talk for weeks at a time?

Remember when you came to my dorm the last time?

Remember when I saw you last it was the most awkward thing ever?

Remember when you told me you didn’t even consider me a friend anymore?

Remember when we were best friends?

Do you remember? Because I’ll never forget.

<3

Peace.Love.Vu

I've been gone from the Vu for about thirty-six hours, and I feel lost. It's weird not seeing everyone. Only ninety-six hours to go. I've got this.

What the hell am I going to do with myself over Christmas break?

Reality Check

Have you ever been caught in a situation that you shouldn’t be in? Or really shouldn’t involve you, but for some god forsaken reason you find yourself wrapped up in it? Well that’s the story of my life right now. 

My roommate left all of this in my room. It. Wasn’t. Mine. Timing is the devil. Terrible, beyond terrible timing. What are the chances? 

Once again I’ve disappointed someone who means a lot to me. Marissa and I turn to see my RA, Hailey, standing in the door way, Binny at her side, with her jaw dropped to the floor. It wasn’t even mine; I was looking out for myself, and now I find myself on the verge of a DOI.

 Honesty. I can’t lie to Hailey. The guilt would kill me inside. That’s what I’m using to hold onto hope right now. I could have easily lied; tried to hide what was going on. But no, I told the truth. I think in the end this is going to help me. Would honesty really fuck me over? 

After two hours of bitching and trying to figure everything out, I sat down and thought about it to myself. Maybe it’s good that this happened? People say everything happens for a reason. There has to be a reason. 

I’m looking at all of this as a huge reality check. I don’t have anything overly important on the line. Other people do though. Is your entire college career worth one weekend of partying? No. Not even close. Let’s step back and look at the big picture. Maybe now people will realize what’s more important.

The Show Goes On

Alright, already, the show goes on

All night ‘til the morning we dream so long

March 6^th, 2011 was one of the most important days of my life; the day my 9 year old dream came true. Winning the MAHA girl’s hockey state championship was always just a dream, and I never thought it would actually come true. So when I heard that final buzzer ring the emotions were running through me like Usain Bolt runs the 100 meter dash. Crazily. The roar of the crowd and the mess of random helmets, gloves, and sticks filled the arena. We laughed, we cried, we sang. Then we realized we were going to Nationals. Anaheim, California. Nationals. Who ever thought me, the little blonde girl from the UP, would be going to the national tournament. We get to the locker room and go nuts. We get to the lobby of the ice rink and go nuts. We get on the bus to ride home and go nuts. Everything we’ve ever dreamt of just came true. We were the home town heroes.  All over the TV, front cover of the newspaper, our very own TV commercial, recognition from the Mayor, and the chance to make something big of ourselves. Everything was so overwhelming. As Coach Mick would say, “we were going to the big show.”

Anybody ever wonder when they would see the sun go

Just remember when you come up, the show goes on

Nationals came up before any of us knew it. Flying for the first time made me extremely nervous. Especially because the reason I was flying was to play the most important hockey tournament of my life. We flew into Salt Lake City, Utah which I’m pretty sure was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my life, and then into Anaheim.

So no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what you into

No matter what you see when you look outside your window

 Game one we lost 3-2. We played tough and outshot the other team by 20 shots. We just couldn’t capitalize on the opportunities that we were given. Game two ended 0-0 in regulation. This was the most upsetting game of my lifetime. I’ll never forget it. One minute into overtime, we were shorthanded, and I turned to ring the puck around the boards; I underestimated the angle I was given and shot the puck right into the net. Our net. I scored the winning goal…for the other team. I instantly dropped to my stomach and cried like I’ve never cried before. Once I caught my composure I got up and gave my goalie, Conda, the biggest hug ever. I told her I was sorry over and over. Knowing we could never go back on that moment, we had to pick ourselves up and move on. Yes, it took me hours upon hours to be able to talk to anyone or even be able to look my team in the eyes. Knowing it was my fault the other team won absolutely killed me inside. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt that day. But I picked myself up, moved on, and never gave up. The third game we demolished a team from Pennsylvania. 8-0. This got us into the quarterfinals. We ended up losing to the Alaska Allstars .They were a good, solid team. Their two top lines were going on to play D1 girls hockey on scholarships. They said we were the toughest team they’ve played yet. Even though we lost we still got one of the best compliments ever.

Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire

Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher

Nationals was the best experience I was ever given. Being able to go to California to play hockey and spend the week with the most amazing girls I know changed my life. The most important thing I learned while I was there was that when you make mistakes you need to be the one to pick yourself up and move on. Don’t dwell on mistakes; use them to your advantage. I have continued to use this not only with myself, but in the recent leadership rolls I’ve been given.

Raise ‘em till your arms tired let ‘em know you here

That you struggling , survivin, that you gon’ persevere

This past weekend I watched one of my teammates deflect a goal in for the other team. She was absolutely torn up; crying like a little baby. She stormed to the bench and told Coach Mick she didn’t want to play. Mick told her to go to the locker room and take her gear off.  She was headed there when I stopped her. I grabbed her by the cage on her helmet and told her to stop. I told her about what I did at nationals and how I needed to pick myself up and move on. And that’s what she needed to do now. She shook her head in a gesture of acceptance; turned around and sat back on the bench. This moment brought tears to my eyes. Knowing that I had that effect on someone made me feel so good about myself.

Yeah, ain’t nobody leavin, nobody going home

Even if they turn the lights out, the show is going on

This past weekend gave me a whole new perspective on myself. I can have a positive effect on people. Maybe I’ve been put on this earth to help. I’ve never sat back and watch things like I did this weekend. I needed to experience things in a different way. I think maybe I have coaching in my future? I feel like I can make people feel better about themselves when they are down. That’s a good characteristic for a coach. Maybe I’m done playing hockey? It’s the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. But I think I’ve finally accepted it.

Just remember when you come up, the show goes on…<3