Hey you.

When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all.

Ok, so I know this poem is super cheesy, but it portrays us perfectly.

I know you're reading this because you told me I need to blog because I haven't in awhile.

You creeping on me is completely okay. I'm kind of glad you do. 

Because sometimes I don't really explain myself very well in person. 

And you reading this helps me to express myself to you. 

If that makes any sense at all. God I suck. hahaha. 

Anyways, here's your appreciation post. 

Because I love the living shit out of you. 

And I'm so happy to have you in my life.

Thanks for everything.

<3

Para-Para-Paradise

This morning I was woken up by the buzzing of my phone. I had a text message from a friend saying “did Adri die?” Three words. That’s all. I had no idea. I was sleeping. I open up facebook to read post after post after post about this wonderful girl I knew so well. Adrianna Lee Ceron. The most free spirited, down to earth, care free person I have ever met. I never expected her to be ripped out of everyone’s lives so early. 18 years old. She had so much ahead of her. A career as a dance teacher, getting married, settling down and having a family, traveling the world, meeting new people, so much ahead. She never cared what people thought of her. She knew what she wanted in life and she pursued it. Moving out to California and taking the city life head on. She was larger than life, and her going out to the city made was one step closer to making all her dreams come true. I’m more than blessed to have had her touch my life. She made me realize that it doesn’t matter what people think of you. Haters are going to hate no matter what you do. So you may as well do what you want. Go out, get drunk, and party way too much. Do what you feel is right, never second guess your actions. Live young, wild, and free. Adri has affected so many of our lives whether she realized it or not. I’m selfish for feeling the way I do. Wanting one more messed up conversation with her. Wanted to see her dance on that gym floor one last time. See her wear something completely fucked up to school just to see everyone’s reactions. See her take the rules and bend them, break them, make them her own. See her be herself. See that smile, that long gorgeous hair, those dimples, that laugh. Just see her spunky, bubbly personality. One. Last. Time. I know we’ll never all be in the same room ever again, but I want it just one more time. I want to remember my exact last words to her. I want so much, but I’ll never have it. Mostly, I just want Adri to be happy. I want her to run wild and free, dancing through the gates of heaven. The soul takes flight to a world that is invisible, and there arriving she is sure of bliss and forever dwells in paradise. Rest peacefully.

Drifting

Like a tree that just sprouted new leaves

The freshness makes you smile

Something like a new born child

But the weather changes, the baby grows, and the leaves

The leaves, they fall

They fall hard

They hit the ground below

They lay there with no importance

No one who cares

The child whose father leaves them

With no hesitation

They have no meaning and eventually they decompose

Returning to the soil where no one ever notices them

Just as if they were laying on the ground, meaningless

Like the child, now teen

Who drifts into the crowd

Where no one ever notices them

Forever Young

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while. Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Are you going to drop the bomb or not? Let us die young, or let us live forever.

I went to a TWLOHA presentation tonight. It was super powerful. The whole idea behind To Write Love On Her Arms is amazing. Their mission statement states, “To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.” Jamie Tworkowski is the founder and he shared with us how he came about starting TWLOHA. As I was sitting in the room full of people I kept thinking about how many of them are directly affected by the problems presented. Every day I walk across campus, and everyone seems to be happy. But in reality hundreds of them are struggling internally. I wish everyone who is struggling with any of these demons could get help. Going to this presentation didn’t “save” anyone from what they have been dealing with, but it definitely gave me a whole new perspective on the people on this campus, in this town, and in the world. 

After the presentation, I came back to the dorms to find a text from a friend asking me what it means when people say the “found themselves”. My response was they have a revelation. They finally realize their purpose in life. I’m not quite sure if that’s the correct definition, but I felt that it was directly related to the situation. I then asked her why she was asking such a random question and she went on telling me about how she had lost a class mate less than two hours ago to self-harm. 

My heart dropped. 

I just came back from a presentation that was about all of this. How do you comfort someone who is going through something so tough? She told me that she doesn’t understand how she could do something so extreme. And that she wishes she could have done something to stop it. That no one deserves to die so young. I continued to comfort her for the next two hours. 

She told me that she never wants to lose me, and that she’d be done if she ever did, and how she couldn’t make it through anything like that, that just the thought of it makes her sick. It made me think about what people would do if I was gone. Who would actually care? I feel like I have enough close friends and family, but what about those people who don’t like me? Would they even care? 

You never really know how strong you actually are until you’ve lost someone who means something to you. I know I’m an emotion mess most of the time, and losing someone who means everything to me is the hardest thing I could ever go through.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family, friends, teammates, and anyone else that was affected tonight by this loss. 
 

Just remember, no matter what, you’re never alone. 

<3

Moving On

I’m excited to see what my future has in store for me. I’ve become more and more excited for next year. Maybe it’s because the Vu will be graced with new, smiling faces and others will disappear. Or maybe it’s because I want to take my leadership role to a whole new level. I’m not really sure what it is, but I’m excited. And I’m happy, yet nervous, to embark on a whole new adventure with new people. I know I’m jumping the gun, but I’m ready. I’m ready for this new breath of fresh air. I’m ready for change to occur. I want to meet new people. I want to feel important, because quite frankly, I’m not feeling that right now. I want to know how it feels for people to need me, or to have them think I’ll be an asset. I want to be able to help people. I want to be wanted.