Remember

Remember when we didn’t talk to each other the entire first season playing together?

Remember when I thought you were the most intimidating person ever?

Remember when you came back to play with us and I was so excited?

Remember when we became defensive partners?

Remember when I stayed the night at your house the night before we left for states?

Remember when we would stay up till all hours of the night just talking?

Remember when you made Kirsten the sickest birthday present ever and I was so jealous?

Remember when we would talk every single day?

Remember when we poured our deepest, darkest secrets out to each other?

Remember when we said we would never lose each other?

Remember when we took Kirsten under our wing?

Remember when we won states?

Remember when we had like 5 epic fails in one play at that one practice?

Remember when you would be just standing around in every single picture from the season?

Remember when we flew to Cali together?

Remember when we went to Summers wind?

Remember when we took our trip to Green Bay?

Remember when we had our little party in my “fort” in my room?

Remember when you would rip on me for actually owning a pair of crocks?

Remember when I scored on Conda and you were there for me the entire time?

Remember when we had the best time of our lives at Nationals?                                                    

Remember when we traveled around Cali with your family?

Remember when we lost at Nationals?

Remember when we hung out on that huge hill behind the hotel the night after we lost?

Remember when you woke up with a huge ass flower in your shirt?

Remember when we thought we walked for miles, but it was actually only 2 blocks?

Remember when we quit talking for an entire month this summer?

Remember when we used an Ouija board?

Remember when the youngins thought you were so awkward?

Remember when the number 7 started following you everywhere?

Remember when we got tattoos together?

Remember when Kirsten would NEVER eat when she was with us?

Remember when you and Tom would always quote BMS?

Remember when we went through a huge obsession with Adele phase?

Remember when we made all the team shirts at your house?

Remember when I finally moved to Marquette?

Remember when we hung out the first time since I moved to Marquette?

Remember when I saw your apartment for the first time?

Remember when we hung out at Tony’s house?

Remember when we crept on TC hockey players on facebook for hours?

Remember when Rob made a comment on the porn star’s picture?

Remember when you, Kirsten, and I were inseparable?

Remember when you opened up to me about Danny?

Remember when we would crack sexual jokes 24/7?

Remember when we went on that epic fail of a camping trip?

Remember when we would text each other good night every night?

Remember when we started not talking as much as we used to?

Remember when we only hung out a few times since I moved to Marquette?

Remember when we told each other we would hang out every day?

Remember when we didn’t talk for weeks at a time?

Remember when you came to my dorm the last time?

Remember when I saw you last it was the most awkward thing ever?

Remember when you told me you didn’t even consider me a friend anymore?

Remember when we were best friends?

Do you remember? Because I’ll never forget.

<3

Peace.Love.Vu

I've been gone from the Vu for about thirty-six hours, and I feel lost. It's weird not seeing everyone. Only ninety-six hours to go. I've got this.

What the hell am I going to do with myself over Christmas break?

Reality Check

Have you ever been caught in a situation that you shouldn’t be in? Or really shouldn’t involve you, but for some god forsaken reason you find yourself wrapped up in it? Well that’s the story of my life right now. 

My roommate left all of this in my room. It. Wasn’t. Mine. Timing is the devil. Terrible, beyond terrible timing. What are the chances? 

Once again I’ve disappointed someone who means a lot to me. Marissa and I turn to see my RA, Hailey, standing in the door way, Binny at her side, with her jaw dropped to the floor. It wasn’t even mine; I was looking out for myself, and now I find myself on the verge of a DOI.

 Honesty. I can’t lie to Hailey. The guilt would kill me inside. That’s what I’m using to hold onto hope right now. I could have easily lied; tried to hide what was going on. But no, I told the truth. I think in the end this is going to help me. Would honesty really fuck me over? 

After two hours of bitching and trying to figure everything out, I sat down and thought about it to myself. Maybe it’s good that this happened? People say everything happens for a reason. There has to be a reason. 

I’m looking at all of this as a huge reality check. I don’t have anything overly important on the line. Other people do though. Is your entire college career worth one weekend of partying? No. Not even close. Let’s step back and look at the big picture. Maybe now people will realize what’s more important.

The Show Goes On

Alright, already, the show goes on

All night ‘til the morning we dream so long

March 6^th, 2011 was one of the most important days of my life; the day my 9 year old dream came true. Winning the MAHA girl’s hockey state championship was always just a dream, and I never thought it would actually come true. So when I heard that final buzzer ring the emotions were running through me like Usain Bolt runs the 100 meter dash. Crazily. The roar of the crowd and the mess of random helmets, gloves, and sticks filled the arena. We laughed, we cried, we sang. Then we realized we were going to Nationals. Anaheim, California. Nationals. Who ever thought me, the little blonde girl from the UP, would be going to the national tournament. We get to the locker room and go nuts. We get to the lobby of the ice rink and go nuts. We get on the bus to ride home and go nuts. Everything we’ve ever dreamt of just came true. We were the home town heroes.  All over the TV, front cover of the newspaper, our very own TV commercial, recognition from the Mayor, and the chance to make something big of ourselves. Everything was so overwhelming. As Coach Mick would say, “we were going to the big show.”

Anybody ever wonder when they would see the sun go

Just remember when you come up, the show goes on

Nationals came up before any of us knew it. Flying for the first time made me extremely nervous. Especially because the reason I was flying was to play the most important hockey tournament of my life. We flew into Salt Lake City, Utah which I’m pretty sure was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my life, and then into Anaheim.

So no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what you into

No matter what you see when you look outside your window

 Game one we lost 3-2. We played tough and outshot the other team by 20 shots. We just couldn’t capitalize on the opportunities that we were given. Game two ended 0-0 in regulation. This was the most upsetting game of my lifetime. I’ll never forget it. One minute into overtime, we were shorthanded, and I turned to ring the puck around the boards; I underestimated the angle I was given and shot the puck right into the net. Our net. I scored the winning goal…for the other team. I instantly dropped to my stomach and cried like I’ve never cried before. Once I caught my composure I got up and gave my goalie, Conda, the biggest hug ever. I told her I was sorry over and over. Knowing we could never go back on that moment, we had to pick ourselves up and move on. Yes, it took me hours upon hours to be able to talk to anyone or even be able to look my team in the eyes. Knowing it was my fault the other team won absolutely killed me inside. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt that day. But I picked myself up, moved on, and never gave up. The third game we demolished a team from Pennsylvania. 8-0. This got us into the quarterfinals. We ended up losing to the Alaska Allstars .They were a good, solid team. Their two top lines were going on to play D1 girls hockey on scholarships. They said we were the toughest team they’ve played yet. Even though we lost we still got one of the best compliments ever.

Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire

Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher

Nationals was the best experience I was ever given. Being able to go to California to play hockey and spend the week with the most amazing girls I know changed my life. The most important thing I learned while I was there was that when you make mistakes you need to be the one to pick yourself up and move on. Don’t dwell on mistakes; use them to your advantage. I have continued to use this not only with myself, but in the recent leadership rolls I’ve been given.

Raise ‘em till your arms tired let ‘em know you here

That you struggling , survivin, that you gon’ persevere

This past weekend I watched one of my teammates deflect a goal in for the other team. She was absolutely torn up; crying like a little baby. She stormed to the bench and told Coach Mick she didn’t want to play. Mick told her to go to the locker room and take her gear off.  She was headed there when I stopped her. I grabbed her by the cage on her helmet and told her to stop. I told her about what I did at nationals and how I needed to pick myself up and move on. And that’s what she needed to do now. She shook her head in a gesture of acceptance; turned around and sat back on the bench. This moment brought tears to my eyes. Knowing that I had that effect on someone made me feel so good about myself.

Yeah, ain’t nobody leavin, nobody going home

Even if they turn the lights out, the show is going on

This past weekend gave me a whole new perspective on myself. I can have a positive effect on people. Maybe I’ve been put on this earth to help. I’ve never sat back and watch things like I did this weekend. I needed to experience things in a different way. I think maybe I have coaching in my future? I feel like I can make people feel better about themselves when they are down. That’s a good characteristic for a coach. Maybe I’m done playing hockey? It’s the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. But I think I’ve finally accepted it.

Just remember when you come up, the show goes on…<3

Get Your Act Together

Self-respect (noun)-Pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.

If someone were to ask you, “do you feel as though you have a high sense of self-respect?” Would you be able to answer yes? Most girls in college wouldn’t. I’ve never noticed the lack of self-respect in girls until I came to Northern. In high school, girls cared about their reputation. But for some reason here, in college, they do not. Girls walk around wearing little to nothing and spread their legs to the world. 

How can you feel respectful towards yourself when all you have is a drunken hook up every weekend? When you wake up how do you feel about knowing the fact that when you were sober you’ve never actually talked to him face-to-face? All you are to him is a booty call. How does that make you feel? Like shit? Yeah, well it should.

Everyone always says college are you experimental years, but that doesn’t give you the right to slut it up 24/7. Sleeping with at least five different guys by mid semester doesn’t make you cool. Hooking up with the guy you met in the basement at some random house party the night you met him doesn’t make you cool either.  Maybe you should get to know him first or at least know his name so you to creep on him on facebook the next morning. He’s probably a lot lower on the scale now that you’re sober than he is on your drunk scale. 

And just because you feel like you can parade yourself around like a piece of meat doesn’t mean everyone else wants to. Don’t try to drag those less confident girls into your idea of fun. Leave the defenseless virgins alone; they’re virgins for a reason. They’re waiting for the right person; they don’t give it up for just anyone. Ruining their night by telling them you’re going to get them “laid” tonight makes you look like a douche. Not to mention they feel terrible about themselves. You make them feel like it’s a bad thing that they’re virgins. It’s not a bad thing to be a college-aged virgin. 

I’m not the type of person to flaunt myself and get it in with just anyone. I wasn’t like that last year and I won’t be like that this year and I’ll never be like that. Self-respect is extremely important to me. I just wish everyone else would realize how important it actually is.

Mutual Weirdness

You know that awkward ten minutes before you fall asleep at night or the silent fifteen minute shower you take where your thoughts are endless? Or even the hour and forty minutes when your psycho sociology professor is lecturing on who knows what and you find yourself day dreaming the class away?

Thinking. The thoughts are endless. My mind is always running. Miles upon miles. Hours upon hours.

One of my friends recently told me she doesn't think. She sits there in silence, and doesn't think about a thing. My first reaction? Are you fucking kidding me?! You HAVE to think. EVERYONE has to think. But then I sat back and looked at it through her eyes.

What if I'm the crazy one?

What if no one actually sits there and thinks random ass thoughts 24/7 like I do? Is it weird that every down second of everyday I'm coming up with completely random unrealistic scenarios and idiotic thoughts referring to everything under the sun?

She's not the weird one, I am.

Oooh Ahhh

Recently I've had this sudden, weird urge to write everything down. I'm not quite sure what possessed this since I've never been one to write anything in a journal or even express my feelings to anyone more than myself and a few close (but lucky) friends. I'm that type of person who holds everything in until one day you finally break. Well, unfortunately, today was that day. One ten minute phone conversation with my mother equals two hours of tears pouring out of me like Niagra Falls. Weakness...me showing weakness. I hate the feeling of weakness. I'm not a weak person; that's why I hold it in. The fact that, right now, I can't please everyone I want is killing me inside. I can only please so many people at one time, and the person I need to start with is me. I'm always worried about helping others; making them happy. When, in reality, it's me the I need to make happy. I need to step back and look at the big picture. Do what's right for me, not what I think is right for everyone else.